A scout badge in public relations

The scouts are 100 years old this year, some of them possibly older and, while I'm a scout fan, I never joined - the closest I got as a boy was to spy on the girl guides at their rituals on the off-chance of some unintentional erotica.

However, it's rather unsettling to know that scouts can get a badge in public relations.

Founding Chief Scout Baden-Powell of course had already fought in India, Afghanistan and South Africa, led the heroic hold-out against the siege of Mafeking and served as inspector-general of the South African Police before he ever got round to working on woggles and campfires.

So, the subtleties of spin-doctoring would surely have seemed effete to a man whose normal approach to communication problems was to lead a cavalry charge into the heart of the opposition, slashing people left and right with a sabre. This highly-focused technique has slipped out of favour since the old boy's day, along with much else.

His original concept for scouting was about life in rough country - he got the idea from Mafeking, where he used teams of boys to run messages through enemy lines. Lighting fires, tracking wild animals, living in camps, digging latrines - these are the sorts of activity he had in mind.

And he backed it all with a stern behavioural code covering everything from walking style (chin out, back straight, arms swinging, heart beating stoutly for England) to Beastliness or Self-Abuse, which he covers in the Continence section of his magnificent book Scouting for Boys.

We apparently get these urges from Dirty Stories, Trashy Books and Lewd Pictures, so nothing much has changed there - but also from Indigestion, Rich Food and Constipation. It's a hazardous life being a lad.

Fortunately there are simple remedies: Arm Exercises (sic), Boxing and Bathing At Once In Cold Water. Now, when I bathe in cold water it's because I've fallen into a river in my relentless pursuit of trout where the current's too strong, the rocks are too slippery, the branch I'm hanging onto breaks off or I've had too much beer.

In the past when this has happened I've tended to get in a bad mood, but now I rejoice that I've staved off the Secret Vice a while longer - and of course avoided having to do any boxing in the short term.

The PR badge requirements are entirely sane however, and you can't get Oak Leaves with it, but I'm not sure we want scouts who can do PR - we want scouts who can spot it, decode it and get back to the campfire, the latrines and the arm exercises.